The memory of forgotten.., p.1
The Memory of Forgotten Things, page 1
For Savannah,
who taught me so much when I was just beginning, and who is always the first to read
THE MEMORY STRUCK SOPHIA MUCH like the others.
It was just before first bell at Jessup Middle School. Kids swarmed around her—streaming off school buses, jumping out of minivans, cruising up on their hand-me-down bikes.
An indecently red car screeched to the curb, throwing a hush over the morning bustle. Everyone knew that car. It belonged to Nicole Johnson, who’d bought it months ago after her sixteenth birthday. It hadn’t been much at first—a skeleton car rolling on bald wheels, coated in a bygone dream of glamour. Nicole had bribed and cajoled (and blackmailed, people whispered) the local auto shop until she’d transformed that clunker into a gleaming beast.
She roared through town on it every morning, pausing on her way to Holden High to drop off her little brother, DeAndre.
And every morning the kids of Jessup Middle stopped to stare. Their town was a town of pickups and minivans and practical old cars with more mileage on them than paint. It was not the sort of town one roared through in a red convertible, even if it was patched together and secondhand.
Nicole didn’t care. She perched like a queen in the driver’s seat, adjusting her cloud of black curls while DeAndre—DJ—slipped from the car. He mumbled something, but Sophia didn’t catch the words.
Because right then, the Memory hit her.
The world jolted. Sophia’s stomach flipped like it did at the top of a roller coaster. Only there was no fall—just a shudder that shocked her from chest to fingertips.
The Memory didn’t take her away from Jessup. She still stood at the back of the school, a few yards from the door. She heard the bus monitors telling everyone Good morning, heard slamming car doors and rumbling bus engines. The air shimmered with the tang of rusty metal and hot asphalt.
She held something in her hands—a lunch box. Which was weird, because Sophia never packed lunch. Not when she got it for free at school.
But in the Memory, the lunch box in her hands was blue and purple, her two favorite colors. She shifted it to one hand so she could wave with the other.
Bye! she shouted.
Good-bye! someone shouted back. A woman in the carpool lane with Sophia’s straight brown hair and dark, deep-set eyes.
The Memory ended. Sophia tumbled back to the here and now. To the lunch-box-less emptiness in her hands.
None of the other students had noticed anything. They shoved past Sophia, lost in their chattering and laughter as they headed inside.
No, that wasn’t true. Someone had noticed.
DJ watched her, intent to the point of staring. Probably wondering what on earth was wrong with her.
Sophia forced her legs moving again. Hurried inside, her book bag bouncing against her back.
And tenderly, in the back of her mind, she filed this new Memory away with the others.
• • •
Like everyone, Sophia had a lifetime of memories. In her case, a lifetime was a little under thirteen years. Some parts of it, of course, stood out more than others. The time she’d broken her wrist in third grade. The first-grade chorus concert when she’d sung a solo.
But nearly all of Sophia’s happiest memories, the really special ones, involved her mother.
Like the memory of her tenth birthday, when her mother made her a cake from scratch. Sophia remembered the way the frosting tasted, the way the pink sugar roses dissolved on her tongue.
She remembered, too, the tiny nativity scene she and her mother built together when Sophia was seven. The time they went to the town festival when she was nine.
These memories were all Sophia had of her mother, so she kept them close—shuffled through them like old photographs, half-frightened that too much handling would do damage.
She kept them secret, too. Because as paltry as these memories were, she shouldn’t have had them at all.
Sophia’s mother had died when she was six years old. But that wasn’t how she remembered it.
Not always.
SCHOOL DAYS NEVER FELT AS long as they did in May. Heat baked the blacktops. Jessup’s ancient air conditioners wheezed lukewarm air while children sat melting in their plastic seats. This particular Wednesday dragged along even slower than most. By the time Sophia reached her final block with Mr. Rae, she was pretty sure the sun would explode before last bell.
The rest of her class agreed. Mr. Rae spent the block telling people to Please turn around in your seat, to Stop talking, to Take your head off your desk—this isn’t nap time. But getting the seventh-grade class to behave was like taming a river.
As soon as Mr. Rae said, “All right, that’s enough poetry for today. Give me a minute to return your critical essays,” the room tumbled into chaos.
“It’s almost the end of the year.” Mr. Rae raised his voice to be heard over the clamor. “Just one more project before you’re free for the summer.”
The kids still paying attention groaned. Most were too engrossed in their conversations to care. In the middle of the fuss, Sophia’s desk was a quiet island. She closed her eyes, rested her knobby elbows on her desk, and sank back into the Memory from this morning.
A Memory was different from normal memories. Sometimes they came late at night, while she lay half-asleep in bed. Sometimes they came while she walked home from school, choked by roadside dust and afternoon humidity. Sometimes, like this one, they came in the morning.
Always, they hit like a semitruck.
If a regular memory was like dipping a toe in a puddle, a Memory was like being tossed into the Pacific Ocean. From a helicopter.
Capital M Memories transported her to . . . Somewhere Else. They made her dream while awake.
Once a Memory struck her, it lingered like a normal one. But that meant it could fade like a normal memory too. Sophia was trying to solidify the Memory of her mother’s smile—her wave good-bye—when the sound of her name startled everything away.
“What?” She blinked and looked up.
Mr. Rae smiled as he set her essay on her desk. He was a giant of a man, and when he waved his hands around as he talked—which he always did—he seemed even bigger. The seventh-grade classroom, with its crowded desk space and scant line of windows, was barely large enough to contain him.
Mr. Rae should have been a gym teacher, Sophia thought. Or maybe an athlete. Perhaps a mountain climber. But in the end, she was glad he was her language arts teacher. His energy seeped into every book they read.
“You’re in a group with DJ and Luke,” he said. “For the project.”
“Oh.” She tried not to sound disappointed.
Luke McPherson wasn’t in class today—it was his last day of in-school suspension. He’d gotten into an argument with a teacher. Or maybe it was an administrator. With Luke, it was always something or another. The other kids kept gleeful records of all the things he got in trouble for, but Sophia had long stopped caring.
And DJ—
She glanced at his desk, kitty-corner from her own. It was another quiet spot in the room. Nobody talked much to DJ, but he never seemed to mind. He was usually too busy reading to notice.
Right now, he had a book half-hidden in his lap. Not a regular book—a sketchbook. It looked fancy, with a thick black cover and his full name embossed in the corner: DEANDRE JAY JOHNSON.
Sophia wished she’d gotten into a group with Madison Butchner again. Or maybe Emily Dens. Both girls had been friendly when they’d worked with Sophia on previous projects. They’d invited her to their houses, let her pet their dogs and sit at their picture-perfect kitchen tables. Emily had even told her to stay for dinner, and afterward, they’d watched the second half of a movie on TV.
Neither girl had bothered talking to Sophia after their projects ended, but she didn’t blame them. She hadn’t tried talking to them, either.
They had friends already. They didn’t need more.
Sophia wasn’t sure how she’d gotten to be the way she was—the forgotten girl in class, the one who sat alone at the edges of lunch tables, who nobody ever said hello to in the halls. She suspected it had started in first grade, when she’d suddenly become That Girl with the Dead Mom, and none of the other kids had known what to do.
In the years since then, Sophia had never shaken the label. Never managed to overcome that initial deficit.
But group projects let her pretend she was the sort of girl who got invited to people’s houses.
Unless, of course, she got lumped together with the other misfits in class.
DJ glanced up and met her eyes. He snapped the sketchbook shut, but Sophia caught a glimpse of his drawing: a pencil portrait of a man with his black hair in twists. He bore a small, quirked grin. Someone DJ knew?
DJ shoved the notebook under his essay. Mr. Rae was several rows over now, so Sophia leaned over and admitted, “I didn’t hear anything he said about our project.”
“We’re doing research papers on myths.” DJ didn’t sound particularly friendly or unfriendly. He held her gaze with a steadiness that was almost uncomfortable. Sophia thought about the shiny car his sister drove, thought about the creamy white paper of his sketchbook, and felt suddenly shy. “Our topic’s solar eclipses.”
“Thanks,” Sophia said.
DJ smiled. It loosened something about him, made his eyes soften. Surprised, Sophia smiled back.
They sat like that a touch too long, silent and smiling and searching for something to say.
“There’s going to be one in a little more than a week,” DJ ventured. “A solar eclipse. We’ll be able to see it from here.”
Sophia nodded. The local news had been going on about the eclipse for ages. And even if she’d managed to miss hearing about it on TV, she couldn’t have missed the display Mr. Rae had posted in his LEARN AROUND TOWN bulletin board.
“We’re right in the path of totality,” Sophia said. Totality meant the period when the moon fully shielded the sun and the world fell dark. She didn’t explain this to DJ; he seemed like the kind of person who’d already know.
If anything, he seemed pleased by the fact that she knew. He leaned across his desk, and she followed suit. It wasn’t necessary to keep their voices down—the rest of their class operated at a low roar—but Sophia liked it. It was like they were sharing secrets.
“It’s been three hundred years since the last time you could see a full solar eclipse from this town,” DJ said.
Sophia almost added that it had been twelve years and eleven months since the last partial eclipse, but kept quiet at the last minute.
If she spoke up, DJ might wonder how she knew. And then she’d have to tell him that she knew because she’d been born that day, right as the sky turned dusky and the world plunged into twilight.
That was too much to share. Sophia was a private sort of girl, and her walls served her well.
Once silence crept in between her and DJ, it seemed impossible to drive it away again. She fidgeted with her hair. DJ tapped his pencil eraser against his desk. Vaguely, she heard Mr. Rae telling everyone to get into their groups and decide which myth they were going to present.
What sort of eclipse myths do you know? Sophia was about to say, when there came a commotion by the door.
Luke wandered into the classroom like a lost traveler—like it was only chance and planetary alignment that had made him end up here, and not the cafeteria, or the music room, or Mars. He came in with his shoulders hunched, which was how he always walked when he wasn’t angry and trying to pick a fight. Mr. Rae waved him to his desk.
DJ watched them too. Sophia waited for him to say, I heard he got in trouble for— But he didn’t, just met her eyes meaningfully. Neither of them expected Luke to be an easy person to work with.
Mr. Rae gestured toward DJ and Sophia, who both quickly pretended like they hadn’t been staring.
By the time Sophia looked up again, Luke was slouched a foot or two from her and DJ, creating the brooding third point of a quiet triangle. It was almost summer, but Luke was ghostly pale beneath his freckles.
As the seconds wore on, it became obvious that he intended to stay as silent as a ghost too.
“What sort of eclipse myths do you know?” Sophia asked.
Luke said nothing. DJ cleared his throat and offered a few ideas: cultural stories about animals swallowing the sun, a few legends about evil demons, something about solar eclipses and fasting. . . .
Sophia tried to look busy writing everything down. Luke loomed silently over the proceedings.
Only ten minutes left until afternoon announcements, Sophia told herself, and sighed. She could make it that long.
ON WEDNESDAYS, SOPHIA’S FATHER WORKED breakfast and lunch shifts at Tom’s Diner, then nights at a law office in the city, mopping floors and emptying trash cans after the lawyers went home. That meant he usually had some time free in the afternoon.
Sophia came home to find him reclined on their lumpy gray couch. She studied him the way she always studied him—took in the tired smile on his face, the slump of his shoulders, the fact that he’d made himself a sandwich instead of scrounging for chips. Studying her dad was reflex now, even if things were better than they’d been for years.
The TV flashed snippets of local news: a car accident at Willow and Maxwell, an interview with the oldest woman in town celebrating her ninety-ninth birthday.
Her dad waved her over to join him on the couch. “How was school?”
She shrugged and stole a piece of his sandwich. “We have a big project in language arts.”
“Another one?” he said. “Didn’t you guys just turn in an essay?”
“Mr. Rae is a big fan of projects. I’m in a group with DJ and Luke.”
Her dad frowned. “Luke McPherson? That kid whose sister died?”
Everyone in town remembered when Luke’s big sister had died in a car crash three years ago. And everyone at school remembered the day Luke had come back to class. How he’d flown into a rage and trashed the elementary school art room before breaking down sobbing. He’d had to be sent home.
Sophia felt a twinge of irritation. She knew her dad didn’t mean anything by it, but Luke hadn’t chosen to be The Boy with the Dead Sister any more than she’d chosen to be That Girl with the Dead Mom.
“Yeah, that Luke,” she said.
“He still making trouble all the time?”
“I guess.”
Her dad looked like he was going to add something, then changed his mind. “So what’s this new project about?”
“Solar eclipses,” Sophia said. “Did you know the one coming up is going to be the first one this town’s seen in three hundred years?”
Her dad raised his eyebrows. “I did not know that. But I do know that—”
“That the last partial eclipse was almost thirteen years ago.” Sophia rolled her eyes and smiled. “I haven’t forgotten.”
Her father laughed. Sophia loved it when she made her father laugh. His eyes crinkled, and his whole body relaxed.
He laid his hand on Sophia’s head. He’d done that all the time when Sophia was younger—not ruffling her hair, just resting his palm atop her head. She was older now, but it still made her feel small and loved.
“Your mom used to say that it was only a partial eclipse because even the sun didn’t want to miss your birth.”
Sophia knew this tale by heart—the story that had felt too private, too precious, to share with DJ. It was one of the few stories about her mother that her father was willing to reveal. One of the few times he spoke of her at all.
She could listen to it a thousand times. A million times.
“We waited so long for you to come,” her dad said. “We stayed hours and hours in the hospital. Your mom kept going on about how late you were and how the eclipse was bad luck. She was always superstitious like that. Anyway, fifteen hours into the whole thing, she suddenly got really calm. Just peaceful and happy.”
Sophia’s dad looked peaceful and happy now, as he told the story. If Sophia hadn’t been afraid that moving might break the moment, she would have hugged him the way she’d done when she was a little girl, her head tucked against his chest.
“She told me she’d had a vision. That she’d already seen our baby girl being born, and that she was beautiful and perfect.” He tugged gently at Sophia’s hair. “Then out you came an hour later. And you were.”
• • •
Sophia lived too close to Jessup to ride the bus, and her father often left for work before she woke, so most school days found her walking alone to school. She didn’t mind. She was accustomed to it. Usually she passed the time flipping through old Memories of her mother, making sure she didn’t forget the details.
For other children, who had thousands of memories of their mothers, it didn’t matter if they lost a few. If they forgot what color dress she’d worn one random Thursday morning the year they were nine.
Sophia understood. Once upon a time, before her mother had fallen ill, she hadn’t appreciated the moments they spent together either. They’d been plentiful, and so she’d wasted them, certain that more would come.
Now, all she had was the past. The past and the Memories, which were not truly Past, and not truly Present, but some strangeness she’d been gifted.
She was so lost in her thoughts that when she ran into DJ, she literally crashed into him. They tumbled to the ground. Sophia hadn’t been holding anything, but DJ’s books went flying.
“Sorry, sorry,” she said, scrambling to help him pick them up. Her book bag banged against her back, throwing her off balance. She felt oddly clumsy. More flustered than she should have been. “I didn’t know you walked to school—”
Your sister’s always dropping you off, she thought, but she remembered the way DJ had slunk out of Nicole’s car, and didn’t say it.
